


Identity Crisis

by Menatiera



Series: Bingo Fills [5]
Category: Captain America (Comics), Iron Man (Comics), Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Captain America Bucky Barnes, Director of SHIELD Tony Stark, Director!Tony, Light Angst, M/M, Secret Relationship, Steve is... absent (dead), but they also need comforting because of each other, cap!bucky, forbidden relationship, they comfort each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 13:24:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17044526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menatiera/pseuds/Menatiera
Summary: "We are wrong, he doesn’t say. Because they aren’t. It’s not about them, at least not fully. They may fit and work as Tony and Bucky. But they don’t fit as Director Stark, leader of SHIELD and Captain America, rogue superhero.Bucky growls and if possible, pulls Tony closer. His grip is strong, tight. His touch is the only thing lately that keeps Tony sane, or so it feels."





	Identity Crisis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MassiveSpaceWren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MassiveSpaceWren/gifts).



> Thanks for [Mei](https://letsleepoverwork.tumblr.com/) who betaed all of the TSB ficlets!
> 
> Gifting to Wren because without Wren and the amazing Comic Winteriron discord server this oneshot wouldn't exist now :D 
> 
> This is for [my Tony Stark Bingo card](https://menatiera.tumblr.com/post/180797017858/so-today-or-tomorrow-ill-start-posting-my-tsb) square R1: Identity Crisis.

“We should stop this,” Tony murmurs into Bucky’s mouth. Bucky kisses him harder in return, slips his tongue into Tony’s mouth in a desperate attempt to devour him fully, his eyes shut, his hands trailing on Tony’s body.

They’re naked in bed, the room smells of sex they just had, and Tony wants to cry as he prys himself away from Bucky.

“Seriously, babe,” he pants, “this is wrong.”

_ We are wrong, _ he doesn’t say. Because they aren’t. It’s not about them, at least not fully. They may fit and work as Tony and Bucky. But they don’t fit as Director Stark, leader of SHIELD and Captain America, rogue superhero.

Bucky growls and if possible, pulls Tony closer. His grip is strong, tight. His touch is the only thing lately that keeps Tony sane, or so it feels.

They don’t talk for a while. Tony pulls Bucky’s hair, Bucky bites Tony’s shoulder – not his neck, never his neck, they can’t leave marks that are visible when dressed. Having sex with Bucky feels like galaxies colliding and collapsing at each other, drawn together inevitably and yet destroying themselves by giving into the gravitational pull.

After their panting settles into a more reasonable breathing pattern, they lay content for a while. Tony strokes the edge of the metal arm, where skin meets metal in ugly scars. Bucky’s hand finds the ARC-reactor in return, grazing the cool outline of the casting. Tony usually hates if anyone touches his chest or anywhere near, really, but Bucky is different – Bucky  _ understands. _ Bucky knows the pain of skin futilely trying to heal and merge with metal, he knows the struggle a cold weather can mean, he knows how the metal embedded into one’s body burns when sunlight heats it up, he knows the ghost pain of the past injury and the struggle of looking in the mirror and seeing the metallic shine of something  _ alien _ while it’s still part of him, inseparably.

“I know,” Bucky says, voice rough and hushed and so, so sad. “But it’s the only thing that  _ feels _ right.”

Tony can’t deny that.

“I’m the Director of SHIELD. I should be hunting you down. My agents are  _ trying to hunt you down on my command.” _

A devilish grin appears on Bucky’s face. “I’m in the best hiding place then. No one would ever look for me in your bedroom, sweetheart.”

Tony smacks him, and Bucky rolls over,  pinning him down with his hip. Tony stares up breathless. Bucky’s clouded grey eyes will be the death of him, not because they’re beautiful (though admittedly they are and that’s a fact) but because Bucky can show so much love wordlessly with them. His eyes are filled with his thoughts and feelings – his worry, his desire, his insecurities too, but mostly with his love.

Tony has no idea how someone could love him as much as Bucky does.

He has equally no idea how can he love him back just as fiercely. After everything that’s happened between the two of them, and around them in general, they should hate each other. They  _ should be _ enemies.

They sort of are. Because no matter what the movies try to teach, love isn’t something that solves every problem and no matter how much they love each other in these stolen hours, they still  _ are  _ enemies. They’re still on different sides of the law. They might have shared experiences and pain, they can fit their bodies and losses together like puzzle pieces, but they also are too similar in too many aspects.

They are also both too stubborn to give in. Tony is the Director and he has to do his job, and Bucky became Captain America and he won’t compromise and sign the registration act.

They drink desperation out of each other’s mouths.

“What makes me that I’m unable to arrest the top priority of SHIELD’s list when he’s in my bedroom?” Tony murmurs.

“It makes you human, sweetheart,” Bucky answers quietly and plays with Tony’s hair. “And believe me, that’s not a bad thing to be.”

Tony hums in agreement and rests his head on Bucky’s chest, snuggling up close.

They still have half an hour before dawn. They can pretend for half an hour more.

“I love you,” Bucky whispers.

“Love you too,” Tony breaths out and closes his eyes to not let the tears fall from them.

Love’ll never be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this story, please leave a comment, this author needs validation! Also consider reading my other fics or visiting [my tumblr](https://menatiera.tumblr.com/) as well! :)


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